Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Reflections on Motherhood (9 months in)

We've been through so much in the last 9 months.  An unexpected early arrival, a c-section, not gaining enough weight initially, low milk supply, RSV, eczema, a visit to the pediatric allergist confirming an egg allergy, injuries associated with becoming more mobile, and more.

We've also had lots of cuddles, a tiny voice that hums along with me when I sing him to sleep, a sweet hand that caresses my cheek when I'm holding him close, a smile that lights up the entire world, an adventurous and inquisitive nature, an appetite for new flavors that cannot be satisfied, a laugh that is sweeter than the most beautiful piece of music, and a personality that continues to amaze me every single day.  And intelligence!  He works on something until he figures it out, and that spark in his eyes when he does... it's just priceless.

I can see why people say they are "in love" with their child, although I always thought that was kind of a stupid thing to say.    But it really is kind of like being in love.  I find myself thinking about him randomly during the day - pretty much all the time.  I can't wait to see him in the evenings when it's time to pick him up after work.  I talk to him about my day, and ask about his.  He answers, but it is still in that language that adults cannot understand.  He's all I think about and all I want to talk about.  I have to really make a point to listen to the news on the radio in the mornings and read some information on the Internet about current events every day so that I will have something to talk about other than Nathan's latest funny trick or personality quirk.  I caught myself doing that at a baby shower last night and had to stop.  Nobody cares as much about a baby as that baby's mother does.  Except maybe that baby's father.  And/or grandparents, lol.

I feel overwhelmingly grateful that I have been entrusted with the care of this sweet, gentle life.  This precious person who will grow into an adult right before my eyes.  It's a miracle and a huge responsibility.

And I'm glad I waited.  Although it would have been easier on my body to have a baby earlier, and probably would be a lot less stressful to think about having 2.0 if I were... say... 32 instead of 36 right now, I am so glad I waited.  This baby, at this time in my life, is what I was meant to have.  If 2.0 happens, he/she will also be meant to be in that time, but if not, I will be okay with it.  I won't mourn if we are one and done.  Because this one has filled my life with so much joy and happiness.  Do we want another baby?  Yes.  We've always said we wanted two.  Will we try for one?  Yes, probably fairly soon.  But until that happens, I plan to enjoy the heck out of my sweet boy, who is more than I ever could have imagined, and I love him more than I can ever express.

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